I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
