I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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