Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
