I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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