I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
