Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Everything about him screamed your future.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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