Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
