I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
