You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
