Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
