Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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