hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
