she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
