Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
