he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
