You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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