im six kinds of drunk right now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
