I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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