I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
