you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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