Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
did i just pee glitter
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
