I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
