If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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