Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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