Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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