Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
