I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
