You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
