i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
