I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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