she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
