Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
