Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
