And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
