i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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