dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
