Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
