HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
