Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
