If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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