idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
