How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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