dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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