The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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