Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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