I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
