I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
