Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
