Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
