my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
